Vendetta!

The presidential election is over. Huzzah!

My candidate of choice won. Double huzzah!

I’ve gotta say that election night was pretty sweet. Barack Obama ran a great campaign. Sure, it was full of lofty rhetoric, the majority of which I didn’t really buy into, but that’s not why I voted for him. I checked his name off on the ballot because his platform, for all intents and purposes, was diametrically opposed to the way things have been run during the past eight years. I won’t mention any names, but I’ll wager you have a good idea of what I’m talking about.

So, there I was election night, basking in the nascent reality of a Barack Obama presidency, and although I just said otherwise, I was swept up in the lofty rhetoric of Barack’s victory speech. Well, that’s not fair. It was a momentous occasion for both sides of the political spectrum: the vision of the civil rights movement had come to fruition and Americans had elected their first black president. Much has been written about the historic occasion, so I’ll let that be. But the main point was that I was quite taken by the historical enormity and occasion of the night. Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

Riding the emotional high, I did an about-face and headed into the dark and sordid catacombs of the internet: the forums on Sean Hannity’s website.

Now, allow me to provide you a little bit of background. I despise Sean Hannity. I’m very much a non-violent guy, but Sean Hannity is one of the few people on this earth whom I’d enjoy strangling. The weekend before Election Day, I registered a free account on his website so I could partake in the spirited political debate within. Oh, and by “spirited political debate” I mean “vile, baseless attacks on Barack Obama.” You see, what started out as an honest attempt to engage the other side in civil debate quickly devolved into portraying the Republican electorate as an uneducated, xenophobic group of outlandish reactionaries. I make no excuses for what I did, only that that’s the environment that Hannity fosters every single day he shows up for his radio and television gigs.

So my short stint on the Hannity forums was nothing to be too proud about, but around 12:30 am EST on November 5^th, I wrote and posted a scathing, but polite, criticism addressed directly to Hannity, accusing him of dumbing down the electorate and costing John McCain any realistic chance of election.

And it got me banned from the forum. For life.

I’ll be the first to admit that I was gloating. And I won’t apologize for it. After the low, low feeling that accompanied the 2004 results, the night of Obama’s election was like the combination of three Christmases and two birthdays from childhood. It was a great! But even though I was a dirty gloater, my post contained no profanities. I addressed Mr. Hannity, but did not threaten or insult him in any way. I simply criticized his lowbrow tactics and his role in creating a gaggle of inexplicably hysterical Republicans who would rather face electric shock therapy than an Obama presidency.

Yet, about 15 minutes after posting my screed, I refreshed the page and was informed that I had been banned from the forums for “contempt of host.” When would that ban be lifted? The window informed me that I would never be welcomed back.

Of course, the grand irony in this whole story is Hannity’s commitment to conjuring up the mythical bogeyman of talk radio: the “fairness doctrine.” This doctrine, which has been discussed in Congress, but has zero chance of ever becoming an actual piece of legislation, supposedly aims to eliminate the bastion of conservative thought (an oxymoron?) on the public airwaves. He loves to bring it up at every chance he gets in the hopes of illustrating how liberals are vehemently opposed to the First Amendment rights. Nothing, of course, could be further from the truth.

And so it is that this self-proclaimed champion of liberty and opinion has banned exactly that. On his own website. Hypocrisy much, Mr. Hannity?

My bold prediction is that freedom of speech will be fine. Hannity and company will be free to develop their asinine personas as Obama’s presidency progresses. If there’s anything Americans love more than firearms, it’s insipid blowhards who have opinions they can’t keep to themselves. But beware Hannity’s website. Unless you’re a god-fearing, socialist-hating Dixiecrat, you’ll be silenced.

And since I’m forever silenced on your website, Mr. Hannity, I’ll take the liberty of using my own webspace to give you a bit of advice: read a damned book, you moron.